Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down

Help Adoptive Families celebrate those who "get it" and educate those who don’t! Use the button below to send us your Thumbs Up or Thumbs Down.

Thumbs Up to . . . 

Brothers and Sisters, on ABC

for its ongoing story line about a couple's efforts to adopt. "A recent episode showed the wife (played by Calista Flockhart, who happens to be an adoptive mother) using positive adoption language," says reader Meera D. "It was refreshing to hear a TV character say 'make an adoption plan.'"

Let's Dish

which provides affordable, prepared meals for busy families. As a special promotion, Let's Dish is offering free delivery to new parents—including those welcoming a child through adoption. As AF reader Jessa Gillis says, “Having easy meals is helpful to any new parent!”

Parents magazine

for their August 2008 article “Adoption Diaries.” The feature profiles four adoptive families and provides helpful information about open adoption, international adoption, and adoption through the foster care system. Tonya Vaughn, an AF reader, thought it was wonderful to see an article celebrating adoption in such a widely distributed magazine.

Pearle Vision

for a Mother's Day ad that celebrates adoption. AF reader Beckey Breeze summed up our feelings: "It was wonderful to hear a mom say that 'being a mother is not in the blood, it's in the heart.'" 

Martian Child

for its positive portrayal of adoption from the foster-care system, and its honest depiction of challenges a family may face along the way. "You'll need Kleenex for the heartbreaking last scene," advises AF reader Marjorie Cooperman.

Wachovia

for going the extra mile to help employees build families. The financial services company announced that, as of January 1, it had expanded paid leave to up to 20 days for parents who were adopting a child. See more adoption-friendly companies our readers love at adoptivefamilies.com/topcompanies.

Bella

This independent film tells a tender story of pregnancy and unplanned adoption. Though the ending struck AF reader Barb Butz as “a bit contrived,” she appreciated the positive depiction of adoption. (Check out what readers have to say about other movies that touch on adoption topics at adoptivefamilies.com/media.)

The Luann comic strip—and its creator Greg Evans

for its nationally syndicated cartoon. AF reader Mary Anne Castranio says: “It’s a small, fun step toward treating adoption as just another part of life, and the message that both birthparents and adoptive parents are important to a child’s life has a nice ring of truth.” Check out the strip in your local newspaper and at luannsroom.com.

The Children’s Book Committee at Bank Street College

Each year, they consistently recommend the best children’s books that appeal to our families, including their outstanding “Diversity List” (streetcat.bankstreet.edu/html/diversity.html).

—Susan Caughman

Citizens Financial Group

The Providence, Rhode Island-based company, which offers nearly $21,000 in adoption benefits, topped the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption’s list of adoption-friendly workplaces. “Citizens took the financial stress out of the adoption equation and helped us bring home our daughter from Ukraine,” say Peter and Diane Sitkowski, of Phoenixville, Pennsylvania.

Stonyfield Farm

On its yogurt containers, the company asks people to check out its website to “sponsor” a cow, as an educational fundraiser. It was so refreshing to see something better than the usual “adopt-a” slogan. I wish more companies would use this term.  

—Jen Kolesar 

Target

A photo on display in the stores’ food courts shows a Caucasian mom and an Asian daughter, eating popcorn together and having fun. As we sat under the picture, eating popcorn, my Korean-born daughter said, “Look, mom—they look like us!” She was right. It warmed our hearts. 

—Kelsey Lucardie

Sesame Street

for spotlighting adoption. After a character adopts a boy from Guatemala, Big Bird explains, in his simple way, that adoption is when a child needs a family and when a family needs a child.

—Elizabeth Bauer

The Children’s Place

for including a multicultural family in its holiday advertising campaign. A photo of Caucasian parents and an Asian daughter was captioned, “Line up the family in colorful stripes for a fun look.” Way to go, TCP!

—Rhonda Fabbro

Darryl McDaniels of Run DMC

The rapper, who recently learned that he was adopted, has co-founded the Felix Organization, which sends children without forever families to camp for three weeks in the summer. I printed the lyrics of his song, “Just Like Me,” for my kids’ adoption books. 

—Stephanie Case

Real Simple

for the article titled “Uncommon Celebrations” in its August issue. It profiled eight families who adopted at the same time and who continue to gather each year to honor their shared histories. Better yet, the piece struck a cheery tone and recognized the importance of an adoption community.

—Beth Samulowitz

Barnes & Noble Bookstores

for always having a wide selection of adoption books on the parenting shelf. Most other bookstores—including other large chains—typically offer just one or two.

—An AF Reader

—Several AF Readers

Thumbs Down to . . .

James Kaplan's Parade magazine article on Nicole Kidman

(November 2). Says Kris Henninger, "The author mentions that Ms. Kidman has recently given birth to her first child, and that she's a 'new mother.' Ms. Kidman gave birth for the first time, but Sunday Rose is her third child. She's been a mother for 15 years."

Alex Kuczynski's New York Times article

"Her Body, My Baby" (November 28). Many of you were appalled at the author's lack of sensitivity in describing her experiences with infertility and surrogacy. You took issue with lines like, "It's one thing to say, 'Mommy's tummy was broken for a little while,' and another to have your child ask, 'Why don't I look like you?'' and "Of all the possible mothering paradigms I could count--birth mother, biological mother, child-raising mother, legally recognized mother--I would fill three roles. I had to settle for three-quarters his mother." We wondered, does that make us only half-parents?

Babies-R-Us

After the "expected date" field, their updated registry form now asks, "Are you adopting?" It lets people who access your registry know that you are adopting, and that there may not be an exact "due" date.

Pittsburgh Tribune-Review columnist Mike Seate

for his June 19 piece calling Asian children “‘must-have’ fashion accessories for upper middle-class Americans.” Hundreds of readers sent letters to the editor, but, instead of apologizing, Mr. Seate responded with more inflammatory comments. His grossly misinformed replies to thoughtful feedback dismayed countless AF readers, including Robbye Griet and Monica DiGioacchino.

NBC and Teleflora

for placing adoptive mothers—along with grandmothers and stepmothers—in a category titled "Non-Mom Moms" in their America's Favorite Mom contest. The last-minute language change to "Adopting Moms" still implied that our families are somehow different. As Amy Reid said, "If you are raising a child, you are a mom—no matter how you're related to that child!"
 

McDonald's

for its nationally broadcast commercial featuring talking food. After French Fries and Parfait "discover" they're related, Nuggets chimes in with, "Maybe you're adopted." AF readers expressed outrage at the latest example of media's use of adoption as a punch line.
 

Dish Network

for an ad campaign, in which a boy tries to convince his parents to upgrade their network services. When the dad responds with a silly comment, the child says, I'm so adopted." Although the commercial was intended to be funny, several AF readers though the message was negative, and anything but amusing. As Becky Marruffo asks, "Isn't there a better way to advertise this product?"

The Sims and The Sims 2 computer games

Players have the option to adopt children, though AF reader Bryn Wittmayer noted that, “the only qualification for adopting seems to be the amount of money in your account.” Even more troubling is the fact that any character who gives birth gets three days leave from work, while characters who adopt can take no time off to care for the child. “Granted, this is a game, not the real world, but it’s a very popular game, and it’s teaching everyone who plays it that adoption is ‘less than’ bio-parenting.”

The King of Queens

In the CBS sitcom’s series finale, Doug and Carrie are on the verge of divorce, and decide to adopt to save their marriage. They complete the paperwork, and, weeks later, get a referral for a four-day-old girl from China. They race to see who gets there first, only to realize, after they arrive, that Carrie is pregnant. At the end, the couple is “stuck” with the Chinese infant. Several AF readers were disgusted by the show’s trivialization of the realities of adoption (and infertility)—and so were we!

Walt Disney Pictures' Meet the Robinsons

for its grossly insensitive portrayal of adoption issues. In the animated feature, the central character is a newborn who is left at an orphanage and who spends the next 12 years of his life being rejected by over 100 prospective families. Since the release in March, Adoptive Families has heard from many readers who say their families left the theater outraged and distraught. One parent, Christine, says, "This movie rubs salt into every adoption trauma my kids have."

For more, go to adoptivefamilies.com/media.

Queen Latifah

The rapper and actress is the latest in a string of famous would-be adopters, according to a March article in USA Today. But her misinformed comments about domestic adoption—she said that birthparents have three years to change their minds—show that she needs to do her research. 

—AF Editors

Parenting magazine

for its “mom-debate” question, “Should single people be allowed to adopt?” What if it asked, “Should single people be allowed to get pregnant?”

—Sharon Werhel

The Social Security Administration

The signature line of the form to apply for a Social Security Card asks for your relationship to the person applying, and one box is labeled “Natural or Adoptive Parent.” What a negative thing to come across while still in the joyful first stages of parenthood!

—Amber Morrone

ABC's The Washington Post

Earlier this year, the paper ran an article describing a handful of child abductions in China, including an April case involving an orphanage director and nine others convicted of selling babies to orphanages.

Without quoting a single adoptive parent or adoption agency, the piece hits on all the classic anti-adoption stereotypes that are painfully familiar. The reporter takes a complex, nuanced set of facts and renders them in the extreme. He portrays China’s adoption system as overwhelmingly corrupt, even though this does not square with China’s reputation for having one of the most ethical adoption systems in the world.

The article even implies that the more than 50,000 Chinese babies who have come to the U.S. since 1992 were adopted by Americans “with dollars in hand,” and it fails to discuss China’s one-child policy. Adoptive families—and all readers—deserve better.

—Eliza Newlin Carney

ABC's Desperate Housewives

In a recent episode, with an adoption storyline, they use language like "shopping" for a birthmother or "purchasing" a baby, and showed prospective parents bribing a birthmother with gifts—and the birthmother scamming couples out of money. All in all, a pretty miserable portrayal of adoption.

—Marie D.